can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
