i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
