the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
