Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
