I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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