watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
