He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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