I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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