Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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