I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
