im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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