i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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