Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
