Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
