he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
