OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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