life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
