check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
