I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
barbara walters just said penis...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
