Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
