He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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