I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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