i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
