That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
