You work out of a Hotel?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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