I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
