My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
