WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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