I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
