maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
