ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
