This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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