apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
