8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
