Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
