I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
