Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We are two peas in an std pod
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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