So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
