Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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