clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
