I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
