I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
