worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
