recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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