12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
