dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
