If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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