i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
