i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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