She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
