There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
