Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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