the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i love accidental penises.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
