what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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