you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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