the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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