i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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