What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
