At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
