I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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