This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
