Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
