we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
