nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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