I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
