Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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