don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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