I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
